EFFIN AWESOME LABYRINTH FIC OF DOOM!
by Sabaku No Ko-chan
Summary: Mel and Koneko, the two hyper teens sharing a house deside to bug the goblin king....this will not end well.......WARNING! EXTREMELY RANDOM! HEAD MAY EXPLODE. OC, NO PAIRINGS
1. Dying and heaters

Hello fellow worshipers of ME! *is kidding* NO IM NOT! DON'T LIE STAR THINGAHS! *We're not lying.* YES THEY ARE! YOUR JUST LIKE THE CAKE! GAH! *Whacks with newspaper.* NO! THEY'RE ATTACKING!!! *…ONWARD!*

Disclaimer: I own nothing! If I owned the labyrinth I would get lost in it and die. Then Jareth would be sad…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*EFFIN AWESOME LABYRINTH FIC OF DOOM!*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER 1:

DYING AND HEATERS

I was getting out of the shower when I heard a knock at the door. Cursing, I jumped out and reached for a towel. I ran towards the door and plummeted to my death, hitting my head on the dresser.

"MOTHER-- SON OF A-- PROFANITY PROFANITY PROFANITY!" I Screamed (please don't be mad at me Alita-sama…) "COME IN YOU SON OF A BITCH!" I shouted at the door. Robin trotted in.

"Hey he who angers wall! come in and give me a minute to change!" I said hyperishly, I haven't seen Robin in a long time. it looks like he dyed his hair black. I threw on clothes and ran back out. Robin bowed his head.

"Koneko, I have some bad news…"

"OMFUGJ! did the penguins die!?" I said seriously.

"No, Mel is really sick, she wants me to take you to her, she keeps saying that she doesn't have much time." I stood still. Mel's sick!? she better not die on me, I'll kick her ass!

MARCH OF THE WEIRDO'S TO THE HOSHPITABLE!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I stood beside Mel as her heart monitor beeped faintly. She was sound asleep.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP MEL!" I said shaking her shoulders, her monitor went crazy.

"The HELL!? I'm dying and you shake me to death, what a goodbye!" she said sarcastically.

"Oh my god Mel! we're a team! you can't die!" I said, breaking into tears.

"I'll. be. right. here." she said, pointing to my chest. I giggled.

"Mel, YOU CAN'T DIE! I WONT LET YOU!"

"Who said anything about anyone dying? Mel only has a minor cold." the doctor said, walking in. I glared at Mel.

"YOU GUYS ARE EVIL!" I said, punching both of them, Mel's heart monitor jumped a bit.

"Bitch…" Mel whispered.

"I was gunna have to go to Hades and bring your soul back just so I could kick your ass again. You promise you wont die?"

"I promise." she said, hugging me. "As long as you wont die either." I winked.

"I won't go down without a fight." I said, swinging my fist.

"Deal." she said, pinky-swearing.

"Now lets get out of the spooky hospital!" Robin suggested.

WALKING OH WALKING DOWN THE SIDEWALK!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Robin nudged me. (We break out in song… if you want to skip it…go ahead!) "You remind me of the babe." Robin said in a deep dark voice.

"What babe?" we said in unison.

"The babe with the power."

"What power?"

"The power of VOODOO."

"Who do?"

"You do."

"Do what?"

"Remind me of the babe." we all posed before going on.

"I saw my bab-ay, cryin' hard as babes could cry. What could I do-o? My bab-ays love had go-one! And left my ba-bay blu-ue! No bod-ay knew. What kinda magic spell to use! Slime or snails! Or pupp-ay dog tails! Thunder or lightnin'--then baby said! Dance magic (we changed it a bit…) PANTS MAGIC PANTS MAGIC PANTS!--" we continued singing, dropping Robin off at his apartment.

(End of song.^_^;)

"I love that song.." I sighed.

"I do too…" she said, opening the door to our house. It wasn't a large house, it was merely…..a house.

"Guess what?" I asked Mel.

"Chicken butt?"

"I wish goblins would come take this heater AWAY!" I did a dramatic pose. We suddenly heard giggles, and in a flash, all the windows opened and the heater was gone.

"Aw man! Why didn't you wish for the toilet scum to go away!? Its freezing in here!" Mel screamed.

"I--I didn't think it would work…"

"SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER! SHUUUUUUNNN!" She screamed, pointing at me.

"At least we get an adventure…." I pointed to the guy that changed from an owl.

" JARETH!" we screamed in unison. (If you haven't caught on by now, they do a lot of screaming…)

"Good evening, loud obnoxious people."

"Wow, you DO have a really British accent!" I pointed out.

"I almost expected him to say 'eventide' instead…" Mel whispered. The king tapped his foot impatiently.

"Er, yeah, can we have our heater back? It's cold."

"No."

"Then can I touch your hair?"

"……fine." He bent down so I could feel his blond fluffy hair.

"OHKJFOEIJ! IT FEELS LIKE PIE!" He looked at me weirdly. "Well it does!" He sighed.

"You have two choices. One, you take a crack at my labyrinth, or two, you take the shiny crystal balls that have your dreams in them."

"YOU WENT IN MY HEAD AND STOLE MY DREAMS!?" Mel gasped, covering her purple hair with frantic hands.

"No--just--PICK SOMETHING ALREADY!"

"Labyrinth!" We chorused. In a flick, we stared at the long stretch of twists and turns.

"You have 13 hours to get your beloved heater back. If you don't finish it in time, you and your heater…..become mine." He said seductively. I shivered, and Mel just stared at him.

"IM FIRIN' MAH LAZAH!" Mel screamed, a burst of blue shooting out of her mouth and hitting the walls of the labyrinth. This made it a big tunnel you just have to walk through to get to the castle. The goblin king sighed.

"I don't know what the HELL your friend just did, but you can't run the labyrinth like this…I guess you have to stay at the castle till this is fixed." He turned his back in aggravation. I high-fived Mel to gain a death glare by Sir-tight-buns. Oh, this was going to be fun.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Now that we have the kinks worked OUTTA the freaking stars….YAY! I have been trying to put this together forever! I finally got an idea and finished the first CHAPTAH! I have 5 other stories and only one is complete, so try not to be surprised if I delay updating, but who knows, with enough encouragement anything's possible. HINT HINT!

Ko-Chan!(OR IS IT!?)


	2. Chainsaws, Taco and Socks

_Hello peoples! SECOND CHAPPY OF AWESOMENESS! I have been pretty obsessed with the caramelldansen…and portal…YAY! THE CAKE IS A LIE! Don't let your cake lie to YOU! *Onward!*_

_Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! If I did, I would have a wicked mullet like Jareth!_

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*EFFIN AWESOME LABYRINTH FIC OF DOOM!*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~_

_CHAPTER 2: Chainsaws, Taco and Socks_

"_MEL! GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING BITCH!" I screamed, making an almost comical slide on tile. Mel threw her little purple head back and laughed, still holding onto my mystical lucky pair of socks. _

"_YOU'RE NEVER GUNNA CATCH ME IF YOU TRIED!" She screamed back, sliding into a huge double-doored (NOT A REAL WORD!) room. I ran in next to her, to find a very pissed off Goblin king. _

"_What are you doing in my throne room!" He thundered._

"_Well….Tell Mel to give me back my mystical lucky pair of socks!" I said, pointing to the girl, who smiled sheepishly and handed me back my socks. _

"_Hey Jareth?" He nodded toward Mel. "I was wondering, what's up with the eye shadow?" He narrowed his eyes at her, ignoring the question._

"_Leave!" He ordered, pointing to the door._

"_Only if you do the magic dance with us!" I snubbed. _

"_Fine…" He sighed, snapping his fingers to reveal a giant disco ball._

"_That's just cool." I stated, pointing up at the glowing ball. AND SO THE DANCE PURSUED!_

_**WE ARE SOMEHOW NOT HERE ANYMORE! WOOOOO!**_

_I stared unamused at the half completed rebuilt labyrinth. _

"_I am UNAMUSED!" I shook my fist threateningly at the labyrinth. (Every time I type that, I sound it out weirdly in my head… Lab-eee-wrenth!) _

"_Why so serious?" Mel stated calmly from behind me._

"_Can you do that laser thing on command?" _

"_No. I don't know what that was, but it was a chance situation."_

"_Why are we talking like robots?"_

"_Delicious happy fluffy pink cupcake of redundant happiness?" She asked, holding up the pink frosted cupcake. _

"_OM NOM NOM NOM!" I eated it! (I know…not real wording. But STILL! EATED!) _

"_Ahem! You have 13 hours to complete the labyrinth and get your heater back! And your time starts….NOW!" He shouted before vanishing. _

"_Well then! Mr. Rude! I don't vanish in the middle of a sentence!"_

"_I believe he was finished with his sentence…"_

"_NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL!" _

"_Not that kind of sentence!" She whacked me on the head._

"_Well, at least I still have my lucky pair of socks." I said, holding up the little decorated feet warmers. Mel stared at me for a moment before grabbing the socks and chucking them into the middle of the labyrinth. _

"_The hell!" I screamed at her. "Those socks were my babies! WHY DID YOU CHUCK MY BABIES! That was just mean." _

"_They killed my father."_

"_Oh, well…then it was justified." I said, going in a random direction. "Hey! Do you think we can cheat!" _

"_Probably not. Hence why it's called 'cheating' smart one." _

"_I still think we should do it." I said, grabbing a puppet I made out of tortillas. _

"_I think we should toooooooo!" I murmured enthusiastically through the puppet. _

"_That's it, two against one. I win." I smirked, chucking the puppet away. She sighed and hoisted me up on the wall. as soon as I was up, I grabbed her hand and pulled her. We dropped down to the other side at the same time and repeated that about 4 times when we noticed we weren't moving. _

"_That's nice… You know what! FUCK YOU JARETH! I HOPE YOU GET PREGNANT AND HAVE MAN-BABIES!" Mel cursed. "Should we summon Chuck Norris?"_

"_No, we should save that for later. Summon Taco with Florance." (Taco is Koneko's attack turkey, and Florance is her red chainsaw she used to turn Madara into a log…and stuff) _

"_TAAAAAAAAAAACOOOOOOOO!" I shouted. Out of nowhere a tiny turkey carrying a giant red chainsaw tackled me to the ground. "TACO! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" I giggled, glomping the tiny bird. Grinning, I grabbed the chainsaw and revved it, inching towards the stone wall before pausing and turning it off. "Dude, this is a stone fucking wall, I'm not going to be able to cut through it." _

"…_You suck." _

"_I love you too." I smiled. "Shall we summon Chuck?"_

"_Nope. Maybe we should go through that gate?" She said, pointing to the one Hoggle was guarding. _

"_Uh…It's a long shot, but okay." I smiled as I strode over. "Greetings, we come from Earth. Would you let us enter said gate in which you guard…ith?" _

"…_You are one of them 'slow' ones, huh?" Hoggle said. I glared at him._

"_Be it as it may, will you let us in?"_

"_Only if you ask the right questions." _

"_THINGS THAT START WITH W!" Mel guessed._

"_HOW DO WE GET INTO THE LABYRINTH!" _

"_Yes." Hoggle nodded, opening the gate_

"_Ha! I knew it was things that start with W."_

"_HIZAH!" I screamed, jingling little finger clankies as we entered the great door of doom. _

_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

_Um…sorry for the delay? I haven't been hyper enough to write on any of my spoofs! GAH! I promise I haven't outgrown spoofs yet though. And I most likely never will._

_Review or I shall sacrifice you to Jareth with a spork,_

_Your lord and master,_

_Ko-Chan!(OR IS IT!)_


	3. Koneko Learns about random crotch bulges

Ello der, continue with thine story of doomness. *Onward!*

Disclaimer: Hoggle stole my copyright papers and sold them to Hollywood for a plastic watch. Blame him that I don't own it. DAMN YOU HOGGLE!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*EFFIN AWESOME LABYRINTH FIC OF DOOM!*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

CHAPTER 3:

Koneko learns about random crotch bulges

"Beep boop bop, your android broke." I said, feigning death.

"Koneko, get up." Mel growled. I sighed and got back up, realizing something as I did.

"Um…Meeeel?" I said sheepishly, she turned to me with her purple hair bouncing angrily.

"WHAT!"

"I has an idea…" I meeped. (It's not a real word. Just saying…Perhaps I should make a weirdo dictionary?)

"What would be thine idea?"

"Perhaps we could ask the eye-things?"

"Uh…worth a shot. Good girl." She smirked, patting me on the head as we knelt down to the blinking orange eyes imbedded in the wall.

"Can you speak?" I cocked my head.

"Wooaweawwaaweaaeoaoai?" They moaned.

"Engrish?" Mel added.

"WHOA! Yup." The eyes nodded.

"Coolio, which way to the castle pleeeease?" We both drew out the 'please'. They looked one way, to the left. It was a wall. Apparently, it was where the wall became a tunnel.

"Alright, now left or right?"

"Leeeeft." they blinked.

"Thank you." I waved as we disappeared down the rocky tunnel.

**WHOA! NOW WE'VE TRAVELED FOR AN HOUR!**

"Um, Mel?" I squeaked, pointing to an angry giant thing-a-ma-bob. This odd thing-a-ma-bob had a blue mess of hair atop three faces with different expressions on them, attached to that was what looked like to be a suit of armor. The happy, and sad faces had their eyes closed.

"WHO are YOU!" The thing shouted.

"I didn't see this in the movie…" Mel whispered.

"I AM MINDORO! DESTROYER OF WORLDS!" I shouted back, taking a hero pose. Mel hit me on the arm.

"I'm Mel, and this is Koneko. We wanna find the castle, you know which way to go?"

"WELL MINDORO! I CHALLENGE THEE!"

"EEP! My name means kitten! I'm a _fake! _A _fake _I tell you!" I sobbed. The sad face opened it's eyes and swiveled around.

"I understand your pain and suffering." It wailed.

"Then take a noble cookie for your pain." I said handing the thingy an Oreo. It took it and swiveled to a happy face.

"The castle is that way, valued Cimmerian!" Mel smiled, taking my hand and dragging me away in the direction the thingy pointed.

"Dude…He just called me emo in Greek. He is the most kick ass thing I've ever seen. I want to go high five him!" I screamed, trying to scramble back.

"No! And you're not emo, you're just slightly pessimistic at times!" She hit me on the head.

"Okey dokey…" I sighed. "So…that dude thinks I live in perpetual darkness…That _does _describe the bathroom in our apartment…"

"Heh." She chuckled, "He probably meant Samaritan."

"Someone from Samaria?" I said just as I had a realization. "Dude. Jareth is a Fay, right? All we need to do is find out his real name and we'd have complete control over him!"

"We have no idea what his real name is."

"…True."

"Ch. Nice plan." Mel scoffed.

"Well…Wait! I looked it up once! It's-"

**End **

**Just kidding. **

**That'd be BS since it's really short. **

**But I updated a couple days ago…**

**But I'm not that mean.**

"-Yeah…I have no idea."

"Jacob Jingle-Himer Smit?"

"No, that doesn't even have Jareth in it."

"Jareth Jingle-Himer Smit?"

"Maybe. JARETH JINGLE-HIMER SMIT! COME BEFORE US!" I shouted.

"What do you want?" Jareth appeared out of nowhere.

"HA! I WAS RIGHT!" Mel smirked.

"Jareth Jingle-Himer Smit, return us to our world with my heater!" I commanded.

"No." He crossed his arms.

"Mel. You weren't right." I glared at her. "What's your real name?"

"Bob."

"Really?"

"No. I'm not an idiot."

"Ch." I glared at him. "You are not a nice person."

"This is news?" Mel raised an eyebrow.

"Noooo, but stuff!"

"You make no sense. Ever." Jareth just shook his head and disappeared.

"WELL AT LEAST I'M A MAMMAL!" I screamed in the direction of the castle. "AND I DON'T HAVE RANDOM BULGES!"

"What about your chesticals?"

"Those are not random bulges, they are there for a reason."

"Well so are Jareth's crotch bulges. See, he makes the babies and you feed them."

"With random crotch bulges?"

"Yes Koneko, with random crotch bulges."

"Oh. Makes some sense I guess…"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*END!~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

**Hur….I like this chapter. **

**Chaotically yours,**

**Ko-Chan!(OR IS IT!)**


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